At my girlfriend’s father’s house, I came across a miserable little book called 14,000 Things To Be Happy About by Barbara Ann Kipfer. The book is “written” in list form as follows:
Lesley Gore records
And so on and so on until 14,000.
I thought to myself, “My God! This person just sold a book for money by simply typing nouns.”
That’s so easy even I can do it. I wanted to write a reaction book called 14,000 That Make Me Furious. Seriously, I’m still working on it. Anyway, here’s a sample of my list as it pertains to Easton and the Lehigh Valley. Enjoy.
- Stop signs in Williams Township.
- Floods caused by hurricanes.
- People from out of town thinking Downtown Easton is a dangerous place.
- Our radio stations (that’s a given).
- Laws against throwing your grass clippings in the river.
- Hellertown pool opening late and closing early to accommodate college students.
- The defunct summer camp on Brown’s Drive closing and becoming a residence.
- Parking meters that only take quarters.
- Driving behind someone going down Morvale Road.
- Fireworks stores.
- Smelling sewage on 611 and garbage getting on 78 in Williams Township.
- Bushkill Park still not open for business.
- No more arcades in the Palmer and Phillipsburg Malls.
- Allentown. I just don’t get it.
- Musikfest’s Riverplace no longer showing outdoor concerts.
- When a cemetery isn’t properly taken care of.
- “The Happy Hour” local call-in show on ESPN’s affiliates in Allentown and Easton.
- Kids from Riegelsville go to Easton and kids from Raubsville go to Wilson.
- Closing of the movie theatres on 3rd and 25th Streets.
- Closing of the bowling alley on 3rd Street.
- Closing of the Perkins on 3rd Street.
- Anything going on down on 3rd Street.
- Forks Township. I just don’t get it.
- When people drown in the Delaware River. STAY OUT OF THE RIVER.
- Not being able to sit down and eat at Jimmy’s Hot Dogs.
- Am I still in Palmer? Or Nazareth now? Wait, is this Tatamy? Ah, screw it…
That’s all for now.
Gosh, now I can't tell if I feel better or worse...