At my girlfriend’s father’s house, I came across a miserable little book called 14,000 Things To Be Happy About by Barbara Ann Kipfer. The book is “written” in list form as follows:

Sunshine
Lollipops
Rainbows
Lesley Gore records
Flannel Sheets
Pets

And so on and so on until 14,000.

I thought to myself, “My God! This person just sold a book for money by simply typing nouns.”

That’s so easy even I can do it. I wanted to write a reaction book called 14,000 That Make Me Furious. Seriously,  I’m still working on it.  Anyway, here’s a sample of my list as it pertains to Easton and the Lehigh Valley. Enjoy.

• Stop signs in Williams Township.
• Floods.
• Hurricanes.
• Floods caused by hurricanes.
• People from out of town thinking Downtown Easton is a dangerous place.
• Our radio stations (that’s a given).
• Laws against throwing your grass clippings in the river.
• Hellertown pool opening late and closing early to accommodate college students.
• The defunct summer camp on Brown’s Drive closing and becoming a residence.
• Parking meters that only take quarters. 
• Driving behind someone going down Morvale Road.
• Fireworks stores.
• Smelling sewage on 611 and garbage getting on 78 in Williams Township. 
• Bushkill Park still not open for business.
• No more arcades in the Palmer and Phillipsburg Malls.
• Allentown. I just don’t get it.
• Musikfest’s Riverplace no longer showing outdoor concerts.
• When a cemetery isn’t properly taken care of.
• “The Happy Hour” local call-in show on ESPN’s affiliates in Allentown and Easton.
• Kids from Riegelsville go to Easton and kids from Raubsville go to Wilson.
• Closing of the movie theatres on 3rd and 25th Streets.
• Closing of the bowling alley on 3rd Street.
• Closing of the Perkins on 3rd Street.
• Anything going on down on 3rd Street. 
• Forks Township. I just don’t get it.
• When people drown in the Delaware River. STAY OUT OF THE RIVER.
• Not being able to sit down and eat at Jimmy’s Hot Dogs.
• Am I still in Palmer? Or Nazareth now? Wait, is this Tatamy? Ah, screw it…

That’s all for now.

Gosh, now I can't tell if I feel better or worse...