Why Bethlehem's Gay Rights Law Doesn't Work

Let's say I'm the kind of dude who likes gerbils crawling up my tush or who wants to date my French Poodle.

You might think there's something wrong with me, but that's your problem, buddy. If you decide to fire me or kick me out of your fancy Bethlehem restaurant, I can report you to Bethlehem's goofy new Human Relations Commission. 

So there.

Now you might say that this new law does not cover bestiality, but that would be discriminatory, and I'll sue you for that, too. So next time you catch me flirting with those frisky squirrels who frolic around Town Hall, looking for nuts, mind your own damn business. 

Under Bethlehem's new law, passed unanimously on Tuesday night after 1,000 readings and with the support of every gay and transgender person within a 200-mile radius, discrimination is now illegal in Christmas City, so watch out. 

True, there's already a myriad of laws that ban discrimination, from the Civil Rights Act of '64, to the new and improved Civil Rights Act of 1991, Equal Pay Act of '63, Age Discrimination in Employment Act, Americans with Disabilities Act, Genetic Information Nondiscrimination Act, and a Pennsylvania Human Relations Act.

Yet a parade of witnesses told Bethlehem City Council that it's still completely legal to discriminate in Bethlehem, which was news to me. I always thought Bethlehem was part of the United States, but now I know. 

Now, if you're a bigot who hates my preference for parakeets, you can still get away with discriminating against me. Just claim you're a church or a "bona fide private or fraternal organization," and insist that you're hatred of old farts or fatties or whatever is a tenet of your faith.

Thank God for God. 

And that's why Bethlehem's brand new anti-discrimination ordinance is worthless. The first time a legitimate victim of discrimination attempts to use it, the law can be attacked because it already allows discrimination by religious groups.

If a priest or minister is entitled to hate the gay crowd, why can't I? Besides, since when does government cater to religious or bona fide fraternal organizations? And what the hell is a "bona fide private or fraternal organization," the KKK?

Maybe Bethlehem needed 2,000 readings, but the law as written is nonsense. Besides, does anyone out there really think you can legislate discrimination away? Think about it. When Allentown adopted its anti-discrimination ordinance in 1964, did it suddenly transform into an enlightened community? Did Easton magically stop gaybashing in 2007, when it adopted its own law? 

Discrimination has no address, as one Bethlehem speaker eloquently stated on the first night of its 1,000 readings. Education is the answer, not another series of useless laws that few will read and even fewer will follow.